The Motto Of Modern Men’s Media or Tell The Reader What He Wants To Hear

I am sick and tired of the things that men’s magazines and websites babble on about. This recent article from valet. gave me that moment of clarity in which my pet peeve was revealed to me. These magazines and website (with a few exceptions – AofM being the primary exception) do not aim to make men better. All they do is tell men what they want to hear (They may also tell them that which will sell products for the sponsors of the publication).

Take a look at that article from valet., and I will break down each enumeration and show how it is disobliging drivel.

1. In general, do you think the average man dresses well?
This is a website focused on men’s style. Of course, every man who visits this website thinks of himself as well dressed. This pie chart is there to tell the reader, “Good job y’all; you men are among the 10% of men who actually dress well. You are so much better than the 90% of me who are poorly dressed [because they don’t read this website, which of course is the main element if the strive for style]”

2. What kind of style do you look for in a guy?
CASUAL AMERICAN!?!?!?!?!?! What sort of friggin rhetorical drivel is that? That sounds like jeans and a T-Shirt, which is, I imagine, the exact crap that would make a man not well dressed. What women did they poll for this? Did they poll the same women that don’t think that men are well dressed. Are the women they polled even the women we want them getting style advice from? (Many women don't exactly have good taste, either). I personally want the questions answered by a pool of women that would result in this question being answered with 100% for preppy; but that’s just me. Frankly, most men don’t try to hard, and question numero dos here tells them that women don’t want them to try hard either, because that is what they want to hear.

3. A guy's jeans look best when they're ...
…hung in his closet, and rarely removed. Oh, I’m sorry that wasn’t what you wanted to hear? OH, you wanted to hear “a little faded and worn” because that is what most of your jeans are? I see. Moving on, now…

4. The first date spectrum: How should he dress?
Ladies, why wouldn’t you want him to wear a jacket on a first date? Would that jacket imply that he is too likely to be an attorney, banker, broker, executive, or otherwise successful, or maybe even just respectful? Is it really the case that women don’t want men to be successful and/or respectful? Or is that most men are neither, and just don’t want to hear it.

5. How can guys look better at the office?
Do that many men wear clothes too large to the office? The answers to this question puzzle me a bit. Especially since it is the most legitimate question of the bunch? And what’s wrong with that French Blue Shirt worn in rotation with other shirts?

6. How can guys look better at the office?
I must say, Thank You Ladies. I agree with you – Pro on the Bowtie. Now my complaint here lies with the little quote on the side of the results. This website is trying to distract the men from the news that they didn’t want to get from the poll. The average man probably didn’t want to hear that women like bow ties, so what do they do, they counter their own result with a quote against bow ties… a quote by a man. Face the facts valet., the bow tie is a nice choice for the right occasions.

7. Most acceptable jewelry on a man:
WHAT ABOUT CUFFLINKS?

8. A man should be carrying:
It pisses me off that they have “a brief case style bag” but they don’t actually include a briefcase. Oh yeah, Messenger bags are for hipsters, and not all men are hipsters.

9. The trend of going sockless ... pro or con?
Trend? Some shoes should be worn with socks, others without. Tevas and topsiders should be sockless. Dress shoes, athletic shoes, and many others should be worn with socks. If you cross the line in either direction, you’re dumb.

10. The fashion deal-breaker:
This is a list of things that damned near every guy knows. We all know the rules, but some time you break them anyway. Sometimes you find your self running with scissors in hand. Sometimes you jump in the pool moments after downing 6 hot dogs. Sometimes you engage in unarmed combat with a hungry lioness protecting her young. And sometimes a guy throws his football jersey on with his baggy jeans and flip flops because they are the only things clean and he is just going to Taco Bell. I neither condone any of those things nor would I ever commit any of these “deal-breakers” (to use the same trite overused term as the article), and although many men do, I think they know they are breaking the rules. This is exactly why they mentioned these items. They wanted to let the hapless reader affirm himself that he know what bad decisions he’s making, and that he should feel camaraderie with the other men that break these rules. How about some rules men didn't know they were breaking?

Tell the reader what he wants to hear and he’ll keep coming back, that’s the motto of modern men’s media. Oh yeah, for agreeing with the average men’s magazine, the publishers will reward their faithful reader with pictures scantily clad women he’ll never have a shot at.

Note: I fixed some spelling and grammar mistakes in the article. These typos are inexcusable, thus evidence one should not both compose and publish work while fired up. It should now be an easier, less-nonsensical read. Again, my apologies.

Comments

[Christy Lorio]

I whole heartedly agree with this post. The problem with men's magazines is that they are designed to help guys achieve a certain look, but the men who are reading them typically aren't the ones that need the help. That said I enjoy GQ more than most women's magazines.

[DAM]

Best post you've ever written - and I really like Mardi Gras A-Z.

[termite]

i don't understand why a man needs a glossy magazine to tell him how to dress. and besides, most of those magazines have zero taste.

how about a magazine on manners? table manners to be exact.

[David]

I'm just about done with Valet myself. It's a glorified blog roll.